Sunday, May 21, 2006

Beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies

Random thoughts from Toronto:

Everyone sure is nice here. Though I've probably only spoken to about 6 people so far, and half of them were at customs. The customs people were especially nice; we had plenty of time to chat as they prodded my body with wands for an hour. That was nearly as long as I spent at the car rental desk.

I consider myself a pretty freeway-savvy guy, but half the time I have no idea what freeway I'm on. They are basically a case study in fuzzy boundaries.

The airport in Phoenix is kind of like the Drazi homeworld, with cowboys.

Why am I not finishing my paper and going to bed? I need to be up in like seven hours.

...

Hey, that seemed to go really well. Yay.


My first meal here included a Canadian Bacon (or back (or peameal) bacon, as they call it here), Lettuce and Tomato at the "Country Style," which had the singular virtue of being open at this hour. Also an eclair. The eclair was puzzling. The donut part was almost not sweet at all, but then it was like the chocolate and cream really gave it their all for the team.

And I nearly had a weird potato chip adventure. When I passed by the lobby vending machine, I saw that it sold these "Regular Nature" flavored Ruffles. I had no idea what this meant, and tried to look it up on the Internet with no success. Finally I found enough change and went back over to the machine, saw the package, and totally realized that "Nature" probably just means "Regular" in French.
I am still getting over my disappointment. I thought...I thought maybe they had something to do with Rousseau?

The parking spaces here are gloriously large. This is perhaps because one needs to own a car large enough to bungee-cord a caribou to, y'know, in case of emergencies?

There is a mall under Toronto. Honest. They dug a hole in the ground, filled it in with mall and built a city on top of it (though not necessarily in that order).

Also some cool churches.

On the whole, it is just a very charming place.

They seem to care much more about the quality of produce than we do. I had some orange juice at the subterranean food court, for crying out loud, that was significantly fresher than most oranges I've eaten.

I also had a BLT to go with my juice. After my CBLT on Friday, I started to feel nostalgic for my homeland and its above-ground ways, and so I had some American bacon to offset the homesickness. You may be thinking "wait, is non-Canadian bacon necessarily American? I think they may have invented bacon in one of those other countries," to which I say DON'T THINK YOU'VE DEPRIVED ME OF MY IGNORANT NATIONALISM YET, CANADA. Though here is something to think about: they put butter on their sandwiches. How is it that we are still collectively fatter than the land of the buttered BLT?

When the CN tower first came into view, I knew what it was because I couldn't stop staring at it (bad when driving). It's like it defies my conceptual understanding of what buildings do.

Ketchup potato chips are disgusting.

This is really a lot of fun.

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